Breaking! Microsoft plans to replace your actual windows with Windows 8

Microsoft announces a bold new plan to remove all windows and replace them with a new product it is calling Live Tiles, which bear little resemblance to the transparant transparent you've been using to peer out at the world beyond.

In a shocking move today, Microsoft has begun a drive to remove all windows from homes around the world and replace them with what the company is dubbing “Live Tiles.” Though they are completely different than their glass predecessors, CEO Steve Ballmer claims that the Live Tiles can replace windows with “no compromises.”

Live Tiles do not open, allow for airflow, or let light in, but do come in a number of neon colors. Though they have none of the benefits of an actual window, the Tiles can display a fraction of a weather report, rotating pictures of friends, or a static picture of the outdoors. Once you’ve paid the $40 upgrade fee and your windows have been switched, the change is irreversible without a rebuild.

“What the hell?! I want my old windows back,” said disgruntled rural homeowner Andrew Couts who shelled out $40 for what Microsoft told him was an upgrade to his windows. “My home looks like a goddamn Fischer Price set. I can’t get anything done.”

Those living in older homes will not be able to directly interact with the Live Tiles, but starting today, Microsoft began selling a new line of homes specifically designed with Live Tiles in mind. Office buildings and businesses with windows will also be forced to upgrade to Live Tiles, though it took them so long to install their last set of windows that Microsoft plans to give them several years to catch up.

As part of the Live Tile rollout, stores that previously sold windows, crews trained to install windows, and companies selling window accessories will be forced to convert their operations to support the millions of Live Tiles attempting to fill the gaps where windows once stood.

Though Microsoft is attempting to eliminate windows around the world, Ballmer repeatedly referred to windows as Microsoft’s future.

“Microsoft is dedicated to windows. Windows is our past, present, and future. We’ll always make windows,” said the CEO before chanting the word “developers” several dozen times to a crowd of aging programmers and journalists. Though homes will be full of Live Tiles, Ballmer claims that Microsoft is, in fact, selling windows.

The world-wide plan to replace all windows comes after several years of testing in mobile homes. Though few mobile home owners have converted to the Tiles, the lack of voluntary adoption has only emboldened Microsoft.

Source : digitaltrends[dot]com

Fraunhofer Institute LED light panels mimic the sky indoors

These tiles each hold 288 LEDs, which are able to mimic the motions of clouds and colors of the sky.

If you’re like the majority of America, you spend a large part of your weekdays under fluorescent lights. The worst part about working in an office is the lighting. It’s true that light is supposed to make you feel awake, but fluorescent lights are a different story. Around afternoon time, you get that drowsy feeling. It’s what prompts you to get a second cup of coffee. It’s also what prompts you to notice how draining and depressing the fluorescent lights are.

You especially notice this once you finally get off work and enter the outside world. You’re enveloped in warm sunlight (if you’re lucky) and remember what it’s like to be human again. Because, let’s face it, when we’re sitting at our desks typing away, we are closer to robots than humans. Not that that’s a bad thing.

It’s the sunlight and the sky that make us truly feel awake and alive. But most of us don’t see the outside world at work, unless we manage to get a desk close to a window.

For the rest of us, researchers at the Fraunhofer Institute have brought the sky indoors with a lighting solution for offices that makes a sky effect on the ceiling. It is made of LED lights which mimic natural lighting conditions, including passing clouds and different shades of blue and gray.

The lights are 20-inch by 20-inch tiles, each with 288 LEDs and diffuser films. The LEDs are colored red, blue, green, and white, making them able to produce more than 16 million hues.

Dr. Matthias Bues, head of the department, said, “LEDs allow us to simulate these dynamic changes in lighting in a way that is not directly obvious to the naked eye. Otherwise, the lighting might distract people from their work. But it does need to fluctuate enough to promote concentration and heighten alertness.”

Having a slowly changing sky above you should lessen the chance of office lethargy, as the typical fluorescent lights wouldn’t be frying everyone. But the lights might also tease us about our inability to be outside. We might look up and see the LEDs as a depressing reminder that we’re trapped, only strengthening our longing to step outside the building.

Source : digitaltrends[dot]com